You can't motorboat a personality
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
