Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
