Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
