i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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