dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
