I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
