So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
