1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
