If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
