It's Friday. Sex?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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