I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
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i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
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Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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