Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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