She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you didnt know i had herpes?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
