I think i peed on brittanys purse
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
What changed your mind?
Being sober
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
