Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
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