So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
