what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
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Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
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Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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