Texts From Last Night

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  (310): View more from California

  my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.

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  (310): my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was. http://tfl.nu/26j1
  Replies (9) Good night (1261) Bad night (1453)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food

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  (207): watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food http://tfl.nu/6rf4
  Replies (32) Good night (942) Bad night (2015)
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  (818): View more from California

  I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.

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  (818): I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever. http://tfl.nu/1b0y
  Replies (57) Good night (1285) Bad night (7347)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.

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  (803): so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer. http://tfl.nu/xrhj
  Replies (6) Good night (3963) Bad night (814)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...

  (1-513): View more from Ohio

  God I fucking love America.

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  (513): NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016... (1-513): God I fucking love America. http://tfl.nu/eses
  Replies (45) Good night (9034) Bad night (1058)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break

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  (417): i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break http://tfl.nu/e0no
  Replies (14) Good night (3738) Bad night (876)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"

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  (973): My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items" (973): That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic" http://tfl.nu/yk9d
  Replies (13) Good night (4530) Bad night (977)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.

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  (205): The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with. http://tfl.nu/ihrj
  Replies (13) Good night (3884) Bad night (1118)
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  (+64): View more from New Zealand

  He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning

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  (+64): He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning http://tfl.nu/zdbu
  Replies (52) Good night (1792) Bad night (8149)
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  (806): View more from Texas

  Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.

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  (806): Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever. http://tfl.nu/07ur
  Replies (9) Good night (4277) Bad night (908)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.

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  (816): and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore. http://tfl.nu/dnny
  Replies (17) Good night (4568) Bad night (1086)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much

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  (518): I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much http://tfl.nu/5fop
  Replies (2) Good night (1227) Bad night (511)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.

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  (407): Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore. http://tfl.nu/4mr1
  Replies (23) Good night (2236) Bad night (867)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.

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  (415): Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood. http://tfl.nu/lu5t
  Replies (6) Good night (853) Bad night (1656)
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  (+39): View more from

  scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer

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  (+39): scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer http://tfl.nu/n0yh
  Replies (3) Good night (829) Bad night (265)

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