and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
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We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
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I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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