Texts From Last Night

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  (804): View more from Virginia

  So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.

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  (804): So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets. http://tfl.nu/c2eo
  Replies (30) Good night (807) Bad night (1191)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Who wears a wallet chain?!

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  (203): Who wears a wallet chain?! http://tfl.nu/1rec
  Replies (40) Good night (650) Bad night (2447)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.

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  (910): I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card. http://tfl.nu/3mw9
  Replies (66) Good night (1026) Bad night (3246)
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  (915): View more from Texas

  My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!

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  (915): My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!! http://tfl.nu/a7ta
  Replies (22) Good night (6194) Bad night (678)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.

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  (401): I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy. http://tfl.nu/4ar4
  Replies (38) Good night (5945) Bad night (1251)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.

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  (570): Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas. http://tfl.nu/sn85
  Replies (5) Good night (2144) Bad night (580)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.

  (1-301): View more from Maryland

  I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.

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  (301): His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy. (1-301): I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok. http://tfl.nu/z40b
  Replies (16) Good night (2984) Bad night (634)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us

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  (413): I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us http://tfl.nu/sfif
  Replies (6) Good night (625) Bad night (1099)
• Favorite

  (320): View more from Minnesota

  Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.

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  (320): Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house. http://tfl.nu/jt6d
  Replies (10) Good night (1574) Bad night (607)
• Favorite

  (956): View more from Texas

  Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?

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  (956): Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone? http://tfl.nu/ptfa
  Replies (7) Good night (1142) Bad night (546)
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus

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  (765): I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus http://tfl.nu/x9kg
  Replies (3) Good night (1215) Bad night (610)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.

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  (832): god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink. http://tfl.nu/rrfd
  Replies (2) Good night (1182) Bad night (551)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month

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  (515): I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month http://tfl.nu/wdkb
  Replies (9) Good night (1228) Bad night (458)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  Amanda bynes is my spirit animal

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  (949): Amanda bynes is my spirit animal http://tfl.nu/eohy
  Replies (2) Good night (705) Bad night (482)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.

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  (732): Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun. http://tfl.nu/t14n
  Replies (2) Good night (474) Bad night (268)

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