I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
