Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Boobs are out for the taking
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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