My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
my being single is dangerous.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
