i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Yo dont text me then not text me
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
