So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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