When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
