david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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