it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
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