I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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