your thong is hanging out like whoa
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
