she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
