Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
