The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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