Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
