When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Houston, we have a blender
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle