He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
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threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
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How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust