Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
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