Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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