that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
