According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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