your thong is hanging out like whoa
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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