sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
