I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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