Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
