Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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