This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
dude. I can hear the air.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize