I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Dick very happy bro
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
