have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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