I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
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I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
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Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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