walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
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He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
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