Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Let's get the cat blown out
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
