i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
