sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
