you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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