Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
