Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
