apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
