her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
