i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
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