I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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