i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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