I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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