O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
