4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
