Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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