I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i think i have two assholes
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
