my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
