Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
