Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
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