Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
