I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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