From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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