I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
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Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
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All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
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