forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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