i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
