the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
