Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
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