did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
