I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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