Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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