I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
