Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
sex in a hospital.. check
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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