Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
