I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
