She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
PANTIES FOUND
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