I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
